Shadowseer

March 23rd, 2009

I am not what you think.

I am that ever elusive shadow beyond what you thought was possible.  I am the culmination of your aspirations and the dregs of the depths of your sweaty nightmares.  Darkness swims around me, light shines from within me.  You do not know where I am, you do not know who I am, and yet you still know me like a long lost friend.  I represent that which you fear and desire more than anything.  You pray for my deliverence while cursing my judgment.  I am the shiver in your spine, the prickling of the hairs on the back of your neck.  You will not see my arrival nor my departure, and by the time you understand what has happened, it will already be too late.  I am the power you cannot hope to withstand, yet ever yearn to wield.

Sleep tonight knowing that it is by my hand and whim that your destiny and ruin are woven.

Angelic grace.  Demonic passion.  Within the grasp of the Hand of the Laughing God do they meet.

HERR POOCHEN.

March 17th, 2009

Apologies for offending everyone of German descent.

My dogs!  Cute little fuckers, I know, but you don’t have to pick up all the shit, now do you?

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Perhaps we need Louie Anderson.

March 15th, 2009

At the end of last year, my cousin announced that she was pregnant by her boyfriend of a couple years.

She’s probably the moodiest person I’ve ever known, either being a lot of fun or a complete bitch, the likes of which most of you have never known.  I love her to death, but she’s an attention whore and can’t stand to share the spotlight.  Despite all this, I think she’ll be a good mother because of her dedication and her ability to focus.  Everything is fine….

Until her older sister gets pregnant by her own boyfriend of some months.  This cousin had felt her biological clock ticking for some time, especially considering the recent failure of her last relationship, not to mention her ex’s stalkery behavior.  So now the two sisters, who I cannot love more and who have the emotional stability of Lindsay Lohan it seems, have, by their own doing, competing pregnancies.

According to the younger, the older is “ruining her journey”.

According to the older, the younger is trying to turn their mother against her.

These women have been like the older sisters I’ve never had.  I love their company, and would do practically anything for them.  Except for put up with this shit.

If either of you read this, understand something (and understand I’ll tell you in person if you bring it up): you both are acting like prima donna little attention whores.  You’re both being too sensitive and too selfish, and the bond that you have as both sisters and mothers rises above this inane squabbling.  Both of you are in your 30’s.  Stop acting like children and be more like the cousin’s I’ve grown to admire.

HOSNAPS.

March 15th, 2009

So I spent the better half of yesterday making out with, professing my love to, and having sex with my ex-girlfriend.

I admit, its a first.  Damn fun it was too.  I missed her.  I missed the connection between us.

I never really stopped having feelings for her.  I was ready, and frankly am, ready to move on, but in the furthest corners of this eventful mind, I always entertained the possibility of us getting back together.  She still has feelings for me as well, or so she’s said to me, and I have held and am holding to the defining point for me: I want her back, but I’m only willing to do anything if she truly wants me back.  She made that choice yesterday, to which I am grateful, and I know that she will face that choice (under more duress, I imagine) in the future.

I have come to the realization that I will be happy regardless of the outcome, even if the choice she makes is not the one I would have hoped.  I will always be her friend, however we progress from this point.  The world is full of possibility, and if our paths should come together, even for a while, I will consider myself blessed.  There is something enjoyable about not knowing how the story will end.

To heartbreaks and heaven, I wander through the valley, no longer alone.

Bullets, Blood and Benevolence.

March 14th, 2009

The best things about being an assassin inevitably lead to the worst thing.  All the wealth, power, training, and excitement- they all leave you without a soul worth speaking of.  Even if you’re like me, killing with a righteous sense of purpose and dispatching those creatures and souls of only the most diabolic nature, each pull of the trigger, snapping of a bone, or plunging of a blade takes the tiniest piece from you.  You spend your entire life hunting monsters until you become one yourself.  Then, if you’re lucky, you end will soon follow.

My name is Gabriel.  I am a contract killer and security advisor, formerly under the employment of the Holy Roman Catholic Church of Rome, and, I would say, God itself.  Fortunately, or unfortunately, my end has not arrived.  This is my story.

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In a business where everything is about speed and misdirection, you hardly ever take a moment to appreciate the effects of your work.  Shots from above me thudded into the marble pillar behind me, spitting chunks of stone.  Italian curses were spat out with equal ferocity, each swearing to see my painful demise done in short time.  All I could do was look at the floor.  Sixteen bodies laid out on the floor in front of me, surrounded by scatterings of bullets casings and blood splatters.  Morbid to most, I assume, but I take pride in the art of it.  The symmetry and technique required for such a result requires all the foresight of any other type of artist you can think of.

I let the empty magazines fall and made a note to pick them up later.  A second later, both guns were reloaded and I was on the move.  To an outside viewer, my movements might seem like something out of a movie, or at least one might say that the “bad guys” had horrible aim.  But I have a distinct advantage that allows me to pull off what most would consider impossible- my mind.  I can feel the thoughts of each man desperately trying to kill me.  I know where they will aim and move.  I know where to step to avoid their lines of fire.  I know where to shoot to hit a target that might not have been viable when the gun’s hammer struck the bullet.  Outlandish, but then again, most of my daily life is.

Five shots, five kills.  Each man with a bullet lodged in his throat or heart or brain.  I enjoy the balance of a HK USP .45.  With the supressors, they are like some poet’s whisper of an end.  For a flicker of time, I feel sorry that they ever had to die.  They couldn’t have even known they didn’t stand a chance.

I cleared the room and paused, feeling out the thoughts of everyone in the building.  Evidently, my target was making his way to a helicopter on the roof of the building.  I moved like wildfire, too fast and too quiet for most of the guards to notice.  Those that impede my path die fast and quiet, mostly out of a neccesity to avoid attention, but also I know that in my soul I do it to spare them.  I am, after all, a man of God.

Ten men stood guarding the only door leading to the roof.  I shot out a window from the next room and hauled myself up to the summit of the grandiose and now ruined mansion.  Without much thought put into it, I tossed a fragmentation grenade so it would land just behind the door.  Before the grenade had stopped moving, my guns kissed four guards and I pulled my target clear.  The commotion and reactive shots fired by the dead guards caused the ones guarding the door to open it and try to come to their employer’s aid.  All they succeeded in doing was getting burnt and ripped to shreds by the explosive at their feet.

My target tried squirming and pushing himself away from me.  He drew a gun and placed it a half inch from my forehead.  Before he could think of pulling the trigger, I redirected the weapon at his own foot and helped him fire.  As he squealed, I broke his wrist and disarmed him.  Unfortunately for him, this was the least of his worries.  I grabbed a lounge chair and zip-tied his flailing limbs to it.

“Rico Guiseppi.  Male, thirty three, cocaine addict.  One of the ten wealthiest men in all of Italy,” I said, reciting his personal information as if I had a case file in front of me.

“Wanted in seven countries for extortion, murder, rape, and trafficking of drugs and weapons,” I said.

Sniveling, as only the weak and cowardly can manage, he asked “What do you want with me?! I’ll give you anything you want!  Money, power, women, drugs, all of it!”

“I came here to get information, but you had to do it the hard way.  Fortunately for you, I am a merciful tool of God.  And so I will give you another chance.  Will you tell me what I want to know?  Or will I make you do so?  Cooperate, and I can make your records and pursuers all vanish.  Get stubborn or lie, and your last minutes here will be the most agonizing you can imagine.”

“You’ll clear everything if I help?” he asked, rather dumbfounded.

“Yes.  You’ll never have to worry about them again,” I responded.  “Tell me about the Blood Night.”

After several minutes of conversation, replete with instances of coercion to extract the entirety of the truth, Rico told me all of what I wanted to hear.  He was pale and bleeding heavily.  If left there, either the bleeding would kill him or shock would set in and do it.  Only the proper application of pain kept him coherent through our discussion.

I thumbed the hammer back on my pistol and placed it between his eyes.  It certainly reacquired his awareness for him.

“You said you would help me!” he whined.

“Trust me, I am.  May God have mercy on your soul.”

There was a sensation so surprising that I almost didn’t feel or recognize it.  My gun, still armed, dropped to my side.  Rico’s head now resembled an exploded watermelon, but by no bullet of mine.  I looked at my torso and saw a generously bleeding hole just above my stomach.  Instantly my training took over and told me that my lung had been punctured and that what I looked at was an exit wound from an exceedingly powerful rifle shot.  I fell to my knees and then onto my shoulder just as the second shot ripped past me and into Rico’s torso, just to make sure.

How?

Why?

Where?

Who?

It turns out none of it matters much when death arrives at your doorstep, on in this case, comes to meet you on the top of a mansion surrounded by its other charges.  There were moments in my life when I would have genuinely accepted death.  This was not one of them.

Shooting the Messenger

March 13th, 2009

This is in response to a heated debate I overheard today about Christopher Columbus.

Do you spare him wrath?
Innocence is never pure,
But who amongst us
Can cast the first stone?

Is he a herald of woe?
Is he a bringer of deliverance?
Both, or we do not know,
Perhaps we never will.

Without him, we do not exist.
Without him, you are without form,
An idea that cannot stand
And fight as you do now.

Yet, though intentions simple,
He is the bringer of destruction.
Famine, pestilence, and fire
Borne on the wings of the stormcrow.

Only with learned eyes
Can we judge the image of the past.
Hold you venom and your mana.
On other causes is it better spent.

Learn from the past and know
What is past has passed.
Save your strength for our future,
For your phoenician cause.

The Blue-Eyed

March 13th, 2009

What do you see in my eyes?
I see myself in yours.

Despite all the infinite chasm,
We are joined.

You know what I know.
I feel as you feel.

Though I will never see you again,
Only with you do I open my heart.

Not that it is truly mine to open,
For you know it as your own.

Do I call you father or mother?
Brother or sister?  Lover?

I have multitudinous questions,
Of who and why you are,

So I may find a hint to answer
Who and what I am.

Two minds of one soul,
Do you question like I?

Fast as revealed, you are gone
Left with my thoughts am I.

Wewt, friggin’ wewt.

March 11th, 2009

In the coming days, I will be posting a series of snipets that I hope will develop into a longer story.  Angels, demons, and anti-heroes oh my!

Good luck on your paper, cannonfodder.  Have more faith in your own ability.  If my faith in you isn’t proof enough, look to your teachers and they will show you what you have earned.

Es muy dificil de decir que yo le pierdo.

The Great Harlequin and the Solitaire.

March 8th, 2009

Moonlight shines like pale touch of cold embrace.
No wind, no audience, no whispers in the night.
Just the two, dancing without sound.
Caught in epic struggle and simple game,
Meant to be replayed until time’s curtain falls.
One is lithe, one is grace, one takes time, one with haste.
Movement apart, like two songs for the same soul.
Strong as earth, flow like water, silent as the grave.
The lightest touch of gale force,
Powerful and provocative yet devoid of meaning.
In the end, all interpretation is for naught
When the feelings of two are laid bare.

Yargh.

February 24th, 2009

Its hard to console good friends over electronic medium.

Maybe I’m just used to being able to give hugs.